Not My Fantasy: Finding the Middle Ground

It’s natural to have different tastes and preferences in your intimate relationships. When this happens, it can be hard to find common ground to make both partners feel like their needs are being fulfilled.

If you’ve never had an open conversation about yours and your partner’s likes and dislikes, then today is the day because it can be life changing. You might already know what turns them on, but maybe there are other things you didn’t know about.

Being open is a vulnerable experience, so bear in mind that you need to be understanding of what your partner’s interests are. So, if your lover reveals him or herself to you, don’t shut them down and make them feel ashamed. A fantasy is exactly what it is – a fantasy. And if your lover is willing to share them with you it means they trust you and want to make them come true – with you.

Make sure to communicate more openly and honestly about your desires and boundaries. This open communication can allow couples to explore new sexual experiences … which can be exciting and fulfilling for both of you. Even though you’re not that into your partner’s kink at first, you might find it surprisingly exciting to see the way it turns them on — and even lead you to discover something new you both like.

Remember that if you find yourself willing to try something new to fulfil a desire your lover may have, you need to find some level of confidence going into it. Feeling completely uncomfortable is a total turn off for you – and your partner. My suggestion is to not pressure yourself, find a middle ground where you can explore together, and make it a surprise. Telling them ahead of time is great foreplay but can be a total letdown if you are not completely sure it is something you want to try.

Ultimately, it’s up to you if you want to partake in your partner’s desires or not — but remember – there is always a middle ground in which your lover’s fantasy can come to life in a way you feel included and comfortable.

Fantasy: Leather Garments

A leather kink may mean your partner is turned on by seeing you in a more confident and domineering aesthetic but the full on dominatrix style isn’t your thing, and that’s ok. Faux leather and wet look have a slicker and more figure hugging look which shows off your figure.

Middle Ground: Leather Elements

Opt for items that have a darker colour and leather elements paired with lace or metal detailing so you still get the girly girl look with a bit of an edge.

Fantasy: Role Play

Role playing is high on the fantasy list because it gives you and your partner an opportunity to rediscover the early days of your relationship and add some fun to the bedroom. It is important to discuss beforehand with your partner what you are both comfortable with, and as long as the communication is open between the two of you, a little acting is sure to spice things up.

Middle Ground: DIY Costume

If role playing is new to you, a good starting place are items that are not full blown costumes but that by adding the right accessories you can be whomever you want to be. This will give you more wearing options and – if role playing gets a big overwhelming you can easily lose the accessories and still feel like a goddess.

Fantasy: Gartered Items

Gartered items have been around for centuries with the purpose of holding up stockings. In modern times they have become a novelty. Because it is worn intentionally, your special someone will know you’ve taken the extra time to look sexy and seductive. However, for a beginner, the task of attaching stockings to garter clips can seem daunting. Read more on how to attach stockings to garter straps here.

Middle Ground: Fuss Free Gartered Look

Worry not girls – not all gartered items require expertise on the matter. Items with attached stockings or wraparound leg garters will give you a similar look without the fuss but you’ll still have loads of sex appeal.

Fantasy: Revealing Lingerie

Your honey wants to see you in the most revealing of numbers. It is super sexy – we get it. Yet some ladies prefer a bit more coverage in their ensemble and that is perfectly understandable because you cannot rock a lingerie set if you are not feeling confident wearing it.

Middle Ground: Coverage meets Peek-a-Boo

Illusion of coverage is your best friend. Go for sheer fabrics so you will feel more covered yet your partner will get to see very bit of you. Sheer panels will play peek-a-boo showing portions of skin and crotchless styles are as sex as can be!

Fantasy: Bondage

For couples that have never tried bondage it can seem a bit overwhelming. You might want to control or be controlled – but remember, no matter what the dynamics are, consent is always part of BDSM play. So as long as you are in a caring, consensual relationship you should not fear trying BDSM as there is a wide range of options from beginnner to advanced – and you can go as far as you both feel comfortable.

Middle Ground: Beginner Bondage Play

As with all things, we start on beginner level and work our way into more intricate things. If being bound by rope might feel too intimidating for you at first, why not try soft satin binding? A beginner bondage set reat starting point as uou have the basics at hand. That does not mean you need to use all the pieces in one go, but rather explore them one at a time to see what you and your partner enjoy.

Fantasy: Trying New Things

So you’ve been in a long term relationship and you have fallen into a routine that no longer satisfies you. You and your partner know exactly what works for you but there is nothing new – and where’s the fun in that? Your partner might be willing to explore but that can mean a multitude of things. You might think that having more sex is the answer but quality intimate moments with your partner will be far more satisfying than quantity.

Middle Ground: Exploring Fun in Your Comfort Zone

Get playful! Don’t rush to cross the finish line but rather enjoy the journey. Sex is undeniably about pleasure – but most importantly about connection with your partner in the most intimate way. Give each other a sensual massage, re-ignite the passion and add new sensations to your intimate moments.

Fantasy: Adding Toys to the Bedroom

Opening a dialogue about toys can help you and your partner with both communication and sexual pleasure. Your might feel as though a device can be a “third wheel” in your relationship, specially when you view sex toys as competition rather than a handy tool that can give your partner added pleasure.

Middle Ground: Not-so-Intimidating Couples Toys

Start by talking about it in a relaxed conversation and browse together for options that could be fun for both of you. Opt for toys that are not visually intimidating, such as a toy that doesn’t even look like a sex toy, and begin using it during foreplay. Remember – you want the toy to be a part of the experience, not the entire focus of sex. 

By Priscilla Olivier